It’s been getting kind of serious in here lately. And yesterday was a serious day. I want to change gears and add some funny to this blog. Hopefully you’ll laugh, commiserate, or just enjoy my rant.
So, in no particular order, here are some of the little, mundane things that annoy the tar out of me:
1. People who don’t put their grocery cart in the cart collection space when they are done. Because then the wind blows it into MY car and now I have a dent or a door ding. People like you are the reason the rest of us can’t have nice things. (And as one who could also stand to lose a few pounds myself: sir or madam, you could use the extra 15 foot walk. Just sayin’.)
2. When every song on the way to work is crap. Yes, I know in the era of mp3, I should be in total control of what I listen to in the car, but a) Hyundai added the aux jack in the model year after my car, b) sometimes you just like to be surprised with something old you haven’t heard in a while or something new you haven’t discovered yet, and c) then what am I paying XM for if I’m not listening. But when it’s all James Taylor, bad Poison (Every Rose Has Its Thorns, anyone?) and that damn Goo Goo Dolls song from that movie with Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan, it just starts the day off in a bad, bad way.
3. Thong underwear. If you’re noticing that I have a panty line, my question to you is why are you looking at my ass, anyway?
4. Lipstick that does not stay true to the tube color and sprouts ghastly yellow undertones on my lips. Because THAT helps my teeth look whiter.
5. When I answer a call for the pharmacist by saying (clearly, not slurred or mumbled), “This is the pharmacist” and the person on the other end says, “Is this the pharmacist?”
6. Running out of wine or whine.
7. Store clerks who wrinkle the pages of my crisp, brand-new magazine, newspaper, or book while checking me out. If I wanted the creased-up, battered copy everyone has already pawed through, I’d buy it, thanks.
8. The iced tea conundrum. They bring you a glass with one lemon wedge. And then endless refills. But no additional lemon wedge. If I needed/used one with the first glass, don’t I need another one each time? One glass of tea = one lemon wedge. I am no math whiz, but even I can balance that equation.
8a. Servers who let you get down to the last drops of melted ice, lemon pulp, and tea leaf residue without coming by to offer a refill or fresh glass.
9. That there is never anything on TV when I finally have time to watch some. Yeah, yeah, DVR-schmiVR. That would require me to look at a schedule and program it and shit. If I could outsource this one to the cats, I’d have done it already.
10. I can’t outsource a damn thing to my cats. I work for them. They do not work for me.
Have a great Wednesday, y’all!